9 style lessons I learned in my forties that changed how I dress
Somewhere along the way, I stopped wanting to just look good and started wanting to look like myself.
striped top | trousers (similar) | bag | sunglasses | shoes
In my twenties, I experimented with trends. In my thirties, I figured out what didn’t work. This was also probably my worst decade in style sense, my children were young for the first part, I was busy and tired and for the most part just didn’t care much what I threw on. And now, in my late forties I finally feel like I’m dressing for me, not for what’s fashionable, not for what I think I should wear, but for what actually makes me feel good and what I like.
But that doesn’t mean my style is done (is it ever?). Over the past year, I’ve learned a few key lessons - some surprising, some perhaps long overdue, but all of them have made getting dressed easier, more enjoyable, and, most importantly, more me.
Here’s what changed.
1. figuring out colours that actually suit me
I always thought colour analysis was a bit… something reserved for much older ladies in twinsets, tweed skirts and set hairdos. I’ve still never had one done properly, but after a bit of gentle self-Googling, I’ve worked out that I’m either a light spring or maybe a light autumn - possibly something vague and floaty in between. The exact label doesn’t matter much to me. What does matter is that it’s made a huge difference to how I shop and how I feel in my clothes.
It’s not that I couldn’t wear certain colours before - just that now I know which ones make me look alive (fresh corals, soft pastels, muted neutrals), and which ones make me look like I need a nap and possibly an iron infusion (icy blues, pure black).
Being more aware of what flatters me has helped me build a wardrobe with far fewer “I don’t know why I don’t wear this more” pieces that never quite worked. Now, when I open my wardrobe, it actually feels like it belongs to me, not to a Pinterest board or a past life in magazine clippings.
Blouse | trousers | bag | shoes
2. simple swaps can make an outfit feel more ‘me’
One thing I’ve learned is that how I feel in an outfit matters more than how it looks on paper.
Over time, I’ve figured out the small things that make a big difference - like how shirt dresses suit me better than any other shape. I come back to mine again and again because they just work. Adding a belt to other dresses make them better for me. I prefer crew necks and boat necks over anything too low or open; they feel more put-together and more me. And high-waisted trousers and skirts will always be part of my wardrobe, whether they’re “in” or not, they suit my shape, and that’s reason enough.
It’s not about following trends or doing a dramatic wardrobe overhaul, it’s just about paying attention to what feels good. When I buy clothes are flattering to my body shape, they become much harder working pieces as I end up wearing them more. The tweaks are small, but the impact is everything.
3. animal print belongs in my wardrobe
There was a time when I couldn’t stand animal print. I think it was childhood conditioning - my mum was firmly anti-leopard in the '80s and made sure we all knew it.
But in the last few years, I’ve let it in, gently. A leopard-print shoe here, a belt there. It adds just the right amount of interest to my otherwise muted outfits, and gives them a bit of energy and fun without trying too hard. I’ve grown to really love that unexpected twist. I don’t think I’ll ever be the woman in head-to-toe animal, but a printed accessory peeking out from an otherwise neutral outfit? Yes, please.
If you’re not sure where to start, shoes are the easiest way in. A classic loafer or ballet flat in a subtle print adds just enough contrast without shouting. Even my mum wears the occasional animal print now. Changing your mind isn’t just allowed - it’s a sign of style evolution (and possibly maturity… maybe).
Skirt | jacket (similar) | bag | cardigan | blouse | shoes (similar)
4. comfort is part of the outfit
For far too long, I thought feeling uncomfortable was just part of looking “put together.” Shoes that rubbed, trousers that dug in, dresses that looked great until I tried to sit down or eat anything more substantial than a mint.
These days, if something doesn’t feel good, in that immediate, no-fuss kind of way, it doesn’t come home with me. Comfort doesn’t mean giving up, or dressing down. It means wearing clothes that let me get on with my day without tugging, fidgeting or fantasising about pyjamas by lunchtime.
And funnily enough, I always feel more like myself when I’m not distracted by sore feet or a waistband threatening to cut me in half.
Skirt | checked coat | shoes | blouse
5. I don’t need to wear high heels
For years, I thought certain outfits required heels, dresses, tailored trousers, anything remotely evening-adjacent. It just felt like the rule. But the older I get, the more I realise I simply don’t want to wear them.
A well-chosen flat can be just as elegant and polished, without the discomfort or the inevitable moment when I wonder why on earth I didn’t pack a backup pair. So I made the switch, and never looked back. Now, instead of heels that gather dust, I reach for: sleek leather loafers (preppy and smart), ballet flats (structured but soft), pointed-toe flats (for dressier days) and low block heels (when I want a lift, but not a limp).
Now, instead of heels that sit in the wardrobe looking pretty and pointless, I have shoes that get worn, loved, and walked in. Which, really, is the whole point.
6. I mostly like plain and simple clothing, so I leave the floral tops and crazy patterns for others
Every now and then, I get tempted. A floral blouse catches my eye, or a bold print feels like something I should try. I buy it, convinced I’m about to become the kind of person who wears cheerful patterns effortlessly.
And then? It just sits there. Worn once, maybe twice, before I admit the truth: I like my wardrobe plain and simple.
So, whenever I feel like I have "nothing to wear," I don’t rush out to buy something new. Instead, I create a mini capsule, picking 10–15 pieces that I actually love and putting them on a separate rail (or in a dedicated section of my wardrobe).
Without fail, the same types of clothes make the cut: classic neutrals, timeless silhouettes, pieces that mix effortlessly. The floral tops and the bold prints never make it in.
I’ve finally accepted that my style is simple, understated, and minimal apart from occasional pop of colour or pattern. And instead of trying to fight it, I lean into it - because at the end of the day, feeling comfortable and confident in what I wear is far more important than trying to be someone I’m not.
7. A working-from-home uniform is essential
I work from home most days, and without a bit of intention, I could easily spend the whole day in pyjamas. And while that sounds lovely in theory, it usually ends up making me feel sluggish and slightly lost in the blur between sleep and emails.
So I started putting together simple, intentional at-home outfits - comfortable but still put-together. My go-to is usually the same: a simple knit + wide-leg trousers or a skirt, a pair of indoor flats I call my ‘house shoes’, and a touch of gold jewellery to stop things feeling too much like loungewear.
It’s not complicated, but it makes me feel more like a functioning adult which, some days, is half the battle.
8. personal style is a work in progress
Even after years of editing and refining my wardrobe, I still have off days. Outfits that don’t sit quite right. Pieces I was excited about that suddenly feel all wrong. But that’s part of the process, not a failure, just a reminder that style evolves.
I’ve found it really helps to keep my wardrobe organised so everything is easy to reach and ready to wear. I give myself a few extra minutes each morning to make adjustments if something feels off. And I keep a little collection of outfit photos that genuinely inspire me - things that reflect what I love, not just what’s new.
The more I notice what feels right, the more confident I get in what I choose to wear. It’s still a work in progress, and that’s completely fine.
blazer | ecru wide jeans | cardigan | belt | bag
9. accessories pull everything together
I used to think I needed more clothes when really, I just needed better accessories. A great pair of earrings, a favourite old belt, a scarf with a bit of texture - they’re the little details that make an outfit feel thought-through.
I’ve stopped buying things in a panic and started collecting pieces I genuinely love. And the best bit? They always fit.
striped top| trousers (similar) | bag | sunglasses | shoes | Necklace | Bracelet
final thoughts
In my twenties, I wanted to look fashionable. Now, in my forties, I just want to look like myself, and actually feel like myself too.
It’s taken a while, but that might be the most valuable style lesson of all.
What about you? Has your style shifted recently - or stayed gloriously the same? Let’s swap stories in the comments. 💬
Hi there,
Your recent post about 9 style lessons was fab. It completely resonated with me and I’d agree with everything you said.
Thank you for sharing it with all of us who are not 20-40 years old.
This is such a well written article. I feel connected to your personal observations about dressing for yourself and how your choices changed as you aged.
It’s interesting to watch you move house and see the evolution of your new home, which is very different from your past home. Such fun, and I enjoy your writing style. Thank you for sharing your journey.